Mood for the day

I'm so happy. =) Ok will write more later. There are some memorable things I want to jot down so I wont forget.

Birthday month

Your Birth Month is September

Tolerant and inspirational, you are wise beyond your years. You are universally sympathetic and a great humanitarian. Your soul reflects: Devotion, light, and love Your gemstone: Sapphire Your flower: Morning Glory Your colors: Brown and deep blue

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

mood for today

KSP pala ako. I'm feeling ignored, bakit kaya. :(
Ok so medyo madrama ako. I guess gusto ko lang ng nilalambing at times.

Asshole/Bitch test

I am 29% Asshole/Bitch.

I may think I am an asshole or a bitch, but the truth is I am a good person at heart. Yeah sure, I can have a mean streak in me, but most of the people I meet like me.

Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
@ FualiDotCom

Picto-Personatity

The Picto-Personality Test You are a person who is incredibly tranquil and values peace above all else. When alone, you like to spend your time doing something that will better yourself. You are energetic and are always making your friends go out with you. In the future you will have a good family life and lots of friends.

Natauhan

Bat ba ako natatakot. Ano ba ang kailangan katakutan. Lahat naman na bagay nangyayari dahil may rason. Sa sobrang pinagiisipan ko, pinapahirapan ko rin ang sarili ko. Pagmasaya naman ako, bat ko pa kailangan pigilan. Oo, may kaba, may takot, pero indi dapat ito gawin rason para ipigil ang lahat.

Magbabago na ako. Di na ako tatago at tatakbo pagmakakakita lang ng kaunting problema. Indi na ako gaano magiisip ano pa ang mangyayari sa kinabukasan. Basta masaya at walang kasamaan ang gustong gawin ay gawin na. Pag sa kahulihan ay indi talaga, di dapat ok lang yun dahil sinubukan din naman.

"No regrets. Live life to the fullest."

warrior is a child

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (Aahhh)

Unafraid because His arrow is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
I never face retreat, oh no
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (Aahhh)

They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while '
Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (Aahhh)

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What can I say. The song says it all. :)

Looking Through Your Eyes

"Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves. " -- Walter Anderson

My heart is pumping. My stomach has butterflies in it. I'm scared that I am starting to fall for him. And I'm falling too fast and hard... and I don't think he is ready for it, nor I am. Am I? Is he? Should I start putting up barriers? Or do I just leave it to where the wind will blow it to?

If only things were simple...


----------------
I like this part of the song...

And there are some things we don't know
Sometimes a heart just needs to go
And there is so much I'll remember
Underneath the open sky with you forever
-- leanne rimes

yesterday was a memorable day. yep, would be a lie if i said i wasnt happy yesterday. it felt good and it felt right. i really did enjoy his company. he is funny, he is cute, he makes me laugh. I was a bit disappointed at first but then he made it up in the end. (damn maybe i am easy to please). Plus, I love the book(chicken soup for dog lovers) and the card that he gave me. oh and the other gifts too. :)

But now this gets me thinking. maybe this came at the wrong time. it came at the same time that I finially got an opportunity that I have been waiting for. a dream that I wanted since before. I am facing it and soon will be a reality, but now I get cold feet. I dont know anymore if i want it. I'm scared of starting anew, I'm scared of doing this differently. Something out of my routine. I'm dead scared that maybe deep inside, this is not what I want at all. i'm scared that maybe james is right, i cant have it both at the same time. (why cant i have it both, a career and a chance to love?)

i'm so confused now that I just want to runaway and hide for awhile. Take time to think all about what is happening. I never felt this way. I just want to sulk in a corner and cry. why the heck am i scared? I've always been strong. I've always know what i want, how come now i have hesitations? how come now that it is within reach, i'm afraid to take hold of it?

i scared shitless, i'm confused, i'm depressed. i dont know what i want anymore. i just dont know what to do anymore...

i was happy yesterday .. really happy, then reality hit be fast and hard. (in the end, i do just want to be happy)




....
i want this opportunity, a chance to stay here at a longer term. but i also want to be loved again. I missed being taken care of. I missed having someone to talk to. talking about dreams, problems, issues, sweet nothings anything under the sun. I miss having someone to hold hands with. I miss having someone to love.

I got this fortune from a fortune cookie last sunday (this is when i ate at the china buffet after snowboarding.. oh yeah that was fun. ^^) ... anyways it say this "To love and to be loved is a blessing." Yeah, i believe in that. It is a blessing to love someone and it is a miracle to be loved back.

... maybe i deep inside, i do still want my career now but in the end i just want love and be loved again. i just dont know when that will happen. I just pray that it will happen...

Know what???

When I feel that a guy that I am starting to like is just playing with me ... I suddenly miss James. For all the fights that we have been through, for all the issues that we tried to resolve, he never once made a fool out of me. He has always been true to me. He always take care of me. And I feel it in my heart and my gut instinct that he always loved me.

He is now gone from my life, I realized how much I have loved him, how much he has loved me, he is special to me. He taught me the wonders of having someone love you that much.

I try to move on. Maybe I am not yet ready for another permanent relationship. Maybe I am so disappointed in myself. Maybe I'm afraid to love again.

This guy now? I just hope he is for real. I just hope he wont break my heart. Yep, I really do like him. I'm happy when he is beside me, when we are together. But then that is what I am scared of too... am I ready to take the risk again? Coz I know, I will be really affected when things wont work out.

... back in the darkness again. Scared of what might happen. Should I hope that the next one will work out? Can I hope and risk of getting hurt all over again. Can I stand up if I fail once more?