Know what???

When I feel that a guy that I am starting to like is just playing with me ... I suddenly miss James. For all the fights that we have been through, for all the issues that we tried to resolve, he never once made a fool out of me. He has always been true to me. He always take care of me. And I feel it in my heart and my gut instinct that he always loved me.

He is now gone from my life, I realized how much I have loved him, how much he has loved me, he is special to me. He taught me the wonders of having someone love you that much.

I try to move on. Maybe I am not yet ready for another permanent relationship. Maybe I am so disappointed in myself. Maybe I'm afraid to love again.

This guy now? I just hope he is for real. I just hope he wont break my heart. Yep, I really do like him. I'm happy when he is beside me, when we are together. But then that is what I am scared of too... am I ready to take the risk again? Coz I know, I will be really affected when things wont work out.

... back in the darkness again. Scared of what might happen. Should I hope that the next one will work out? Can I hope and risk of getting hurt all over again. Can I stand up if I fail once more?