Its 2am monday morning and wow man, I'm so awake. I did try a lot of things just to make me sleep.
1. read a book
2. eat popcorn
3. watch tv
4. text people
5. surf
* even brought a bottle of vodka ice but I havent open it yet. That will be my last resort.
So here I am wide awake, surfing the net ... Ok, I had to go down the building, cross the street to 7-11 to buy the internet card at 1:00am in the morning. If mom finds out I'm a dead meat.
A lot of thoughts has been passing my mind again. Hmmm... whats my mood. I just had a realization. I'm not depress, just sad that it seems that things are not going as I thought it will be. I can't seem to be excited about anything anymore. I dont miss him that much anymore, I'm just having a hard time adusting to a single life. I kinda loss my identity for the past 2 years, unable to do things I wanted to do because I'm afraid that he will get angry. Yes, I'm such a pushover. I should stop doing what others want me to do and start doing what I want to do. I just need to figure out what I want to do.
What do I want in life?
Someone commented before that maybe I'm an adrenaline junkie. I'm happiest when I feel the thrill of things. Like racing the car at north express way. Yeah, I would admit that I'm a risk taker. And maybe thats the way I handle my life too. I take risk in things I do. I dont know though if that is good or bad. But what the heck.
Sigh, maybe I need more time to figure these things out.
