confused . . .

there are times ...
i miss having a shoulder to cry on.
i miss having someone to hug.
i miss having someone to kiss.
i miss having someone to love.

i miss the jealousy
i miss the fights.
i miss the after fights.
i miss just him.

i've been lying to myself
convincing myself i'm over him
maybe i am
maybe i'm not
but at days like this i just miss him.
my first love.


How did this confusion came to be? I dreamt of him the other night. I was sitting on his lap and he was holding me tight. My feeling during that time was that I was happy just being there with him. Then after a while, there where outside forces trying to pull me away from him but i held onto him as he held onto me, never letting me go.

Come to think of it, it has been 4 months already. I dont think about him that much anymore, but every now and then I feel sad that we are no longer together.

I hope he is happy.
I hope that I can be truly happy for him.
I hope that I can be happy for myself too.

Dreams? I yearn to find a man who I can share my life with. To find a man, who I wont be afraid of, who wont be afraid of me but will respect me and be faithful to me as I will be to him. I thought I found the right one, but things change and it wasnt meant to be. For now, I will go on with my life, try to find myself, my wants, my interest, my individuality, my purpose.

Fears? I fear being alone, growing old alone, no one to share my life with.

Time heals all wounds, but when the wound is deep, the scar is still there to be seen.